Monday, 30 November 2009

The Honest Scrap Blogger Award

Or alternatively: Nine Truths, One Lie

Update - The lie is now revealed, just scroll to the end...

Blogger Jamie Harding has awarded me an Honest Scrap Blogger Award through his esteemed organ, The Life and Times of a Househusband.

This may sound prestigious but, having read the small print, I prefer the term poisoned chalice.

The skinny is this: I have to reveal 10 truths about myself through my blog, then snare 10 other bloggers in the same trap.

Well, I'm going to tell nine truths and one lie. Guess the lie. Then I'll name a few other bloggers I feel deserve this award.

The Ten 'Truths'

1 - I can touch my nose with my tongue.

2 - In 1984 I stole a flannel. This was my brief flirtation with shoplifting. I felt the choice of item was anti-anti-establishment.

 3 - I was in labour with my second child for 1 hour 25 minutes. She was born within sight of Lincoln Cathedral on the night of a rare, blood red moon. She has a perfect spiral belly button. Shakespearean or wot?

4 - I was once threatened by a knife wielding, junkie, lesbian who'd just been released from prison. Let's call her 'Karen'. That was her name anyway. She looked like a zombie version of Limahl. I escaped thanks to an extensive knowledge of the back gardens of Grimsby and the decision to wear baseball boots that night.

5 - My first boyfriend was called Sheldon Mills. Sounds like a carpet manufacturer, I know. Or maybe a National Trust property. We lasted six weeks. He was an accountant and I was a Teenage Fag Hag. It wasn't going to work, was it?

6 - Back in 1973, my mother heard a knock on the front door. It was my toddler self wanting to be let in. She believes I had fallen from the upstairs window, bounced merrily on the grass and crawled to the doorstep having recognised home. I don't buy that explanation and think fairies were involved.

7 - I am allergic to sunlight. Too much and my skin blisters. I'm OK with Holy Water though.

8 - I stormed the stage at The Loo of the Year Awards (a British award ceremony that honours the best kept public toilets). The marketing agency I was with needed to make an announcement, and the marketing agency organising the event were being petty and not letting us, probably because we had just won the account from them. It was very Jarvis Cocker, but with a U bend.

9 - I did not read normal English until I was 9 years old. Until then I read a strange phonetic alphabet (known as the Initial Teaching Alphabet) as part of a educational experiment in the 60s and 70s. I'm still angry. This (left) is what English looked like using ITA.

10 - I have slipped on a banana skin.

So there you go. Now, which one is the porky pie?

And who to Honour with the Honest Scrap Award?

Well Jamie snaffled a lot of the ones I would have nominated, and I suspect they might, in doing this meme themselves, have snaffled even more. So this is a list of nominations of Blogs Worth Reading, as well as people I think have some dark secrets stashed away...

A Shove in the Back Honest Scrap Blogger Award goes to:

@ewarthale in his blog

@RedMummy in her blog

@EmoKiddy in his blog

@eyglo in her blog

@maribiscuits in her blog

@kellyfairy in her blog

@koshkanott in her blog

@ltxi_itx in her blog

@nik_kee_dee in her  blog

@SandyCalico in her blog

Oh, and the official rules I'm deviating from are:

a. 'The Honest Scrap Blogger Award' must be shared.
b. The recipient has to tell 10 (true) things about themselves that no one else knows.
3. The recipient has to pass on the award to 10 more bloggers.
d. Those 10 bloggers should link back to the blog that awarded them.

So what was the lie?

Well a big thank you and group hug to everyone for reading and letting me know your guesses at my lie. I must confess I loved all the attention and the fact I had everyone hoodwinked (including my own sister) apart from Kelly-Marie Cheesley (damn her) who worked out that the lie was me falling out of a window as a toddler. I did not, though I did pedal downstairs on my trike at about that age.

If my mum found out I had written such a thing she'd probably push me out a window for implying she was a slattern of a mother.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

When we were Five...

There is lots of beaches at Wales,
They are fun.
There is lots of jellyfish.
It’s very sandy.
There is lots of seaweed.
I run through the waves every time I go.
The waves are giant.
We saw a big crab,
It only had three legs.
I found it.
We made a sand lake.
Mummy made a spiral.
We stuck our feet in some bubbles.
I found a lot of razor shells.
We went in a cave,
It was dark.

A little explanation: I was talking to my 5 year old daughter about poems yesterday. She wanted to write one. I asked her to think of a special day and tell me about it to make the poem. These are the words that came from her mouth. No editing, shuffling or additions by me. The photo shows her on the day she is talking about.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009